Lost in Transition

2013 has been a very transitional year for me.  I have observed myself in situations I never thought I would be in.  I gave up my home, my possessions (except my car), my idea of my "future," and at times my sense of self.  From May to December I was homeless and to be honest this word used to carry a lot of charge for me.  The idea of being homeless would send my mind whirling.  "What am I going to do?  Where I am I going to go? What does my life look like?"  Well it did not end up looking too bad.  I was able to step back and take stock of all that I really had.  Everything that showed up was more meaningful to me than any apartment, house, or even mansion at the time could provide.  I saw a network of people who truly love and support me.  I saw the country side alone.  I saw the love of my family.  I saw myself stripped down to the bare essentials and every fear that I ever created or bought into so presently it physically hurt.  At times I felt defeated and embarrassed.  I would find it difficult to sustain my self-confidence and inner pride.  I heard every judgement that I ever passed on myself clearly.  I would play this game in my mind of comparing myself to everyone around me and it would literally make me collapse with envy, and this horrible feeling of not being enough.  I would feel like everything I had done up to this point in my life was a mistake and I trusted myself very little.

Now for a girl who prides herself on her keen intuitive abilities and healing gifts this was rough. I could not understand why I could see so much for everyone else but, little to nothing for myself.  Which way did I go?  At one point I became so consumed by emotions and judgements that I truly believed I had no purpose being here.  I had to find this place within myself that was at peace with letting go.  I had to see that I was capable of sustaining life, my life, and that purpose is all in my perspective.   I practiced being present and patient.  I was grateful for everything and everyone.  I would watch my life take shape organically, but I still felt out of control.

This is the good part.  Being "out of control" was exactly what I needed.  I created a situation for myself where control was not an option.  Control was completely taken off the table.  I had to figure out how to allow instead.  This required opening my deepest self up to receiving.  This was a tough one for me to learn.  I always thought it was a matter of giving.  Giving myself, my gifts, my money, my energy, my heart, anything I could give, that was the key to creating life.  I had to by default learn how to receive.  It sounds like an easy reversal, but for me it was not.  I discovered for me there was shame attached to receiving.  If I received it meant that I could not take care of myself, and that was shameful. Being forced to receive made me face this shame and realize there is nothing shameful in receiving.  It is actually quite beautiful.  It is the balance of giving and receiving that I now realize was the lesson I was learning.  Being forced to receive made me vulnerable and open.  In this space I discovered I strengthened bonds with others, invited new relationships and opportunities into my life, and allowed myself to begin a very important healing process of building myself and life back up.

I have found life to be a series of  cycles and by moving into a new home at the beginning of December  I have closed one cycle and started another.  It is the perfect time to be in this process.  I have four sturdy walls to remind me that  I can build, create, and receive my life.  This now allows me to give what I can when I can in a more harmonious and balanced flow.  Watching 2013 come to a close makes me happy and sad.  For a short time I lived in complete surrender and for as much of me that might have been scared of this, there was another part of me that reveled in it as well.  For 2014 I take with me the lesson of balance and self-understanding that has been the true gift this holiday season.

If you find yourself in a transition as well may I recommend a couple of things to help.

1. Release emotional build-up.  Crying is beautiful and vulnerability is key during transition.  It might not always feel great while it's happening, but emotional vulnerability opens you up to see what it is you truly desire.  It gives us the courage to say it out loud even if it's just to yourself.

2.  Call upon your creativity.  If you like to write, draw, cook, paint, craft, play music, or whatever it may be do it.  Creation can be incredibly healing and can give you insight into how you process and see life. Even if you are the only person that lays eyes or ears upon your creation it will provide you with your prospective.

3.  Meditate.  Find quiet time that is just for you.  Don't judge yourself as doing it "wrong" or not knowing how to go about it.  This is your time.  Focus on self love and care.  Open your heart and intuition to yourself.  Giving yourself time to reflect is vital and when you support that daily the health benefits are infinite.

Bringing the Blurry into Focus

Nowadays I feel like so many of us are searching for what makes us happy.  Happiness in career, love, and well life in general.  I have felt like I have been on a life long expedition to find what makes me happy and continually looking to outside sources for a sense of acceptance, love, fulfillment, and overall satisfaction.  What I have come to discover is that nothing on the outside is permanent.  Outside reality is constantly shifting and changing.  What once offered me comfort and security is now no longer in my scope of being or even within my visual realm.  Time and time again during these instances of change I found myself overly emotional and unable to connect with the possibility of connecting with happiness again.  

Lately I have been living in a reality of constant change.  This constant change and outward chaos has afforded and I would say blessed me with the opportunity to look inward.  How I feel about myself, what kind of person am I, where inside myself does happiness exist?  I have cut through layers of emotion, energy, personal blocks, resistance, and judgment to settle into this place within that is warm and loving.  I have heard it said many times that happiness is found on the inside, but I never really knew how to get there or what that looked like.  It took my entire outer world crumbling, looking past my emotions, and a rigorous yoga practice to open the doors for me to look at what really made me happy.  You know what I found, me.  I make me happy.  This sounds silly, but it's true.  Accepting myself for all of my beauty, heart, flaws, mistakes, and everything else in between has settled me into a space of peace that could only be found within me.  

With so many opportunities to buy into outward happiness and instant gratification in this world it is easy to loose site of how magical we are as human beings.  I have found myself so caught up in distraction in my past it is amazing I ever even allowed myself that deep breath that opened the door to my inner journey.  I had been so caught up in what my outer world looked like that I completely neglected my inner world.  I have no idea what the future holds at this point, but being anchored into myself, rooted into happiness, and having an overall loving attitude has been the most amazing experience in and of itself.      

Today's exciting news is I am the featured contributor on www.lifebyme.com! I answer the following question:

LBM: "If someone comes to you and tells you they are looking for what is meaningful, maybe a stronger sense of purpose, what might be a good question or some good ideas to get them on their way?"

TBM: "I find the idea of a “purpose” very limiting.  The question I aim to explore is “What else is possible?”  In every moment there is infinite possibility.  I assist and encourage people to live in the creation or question energy of life..."
 Check out the full article and what I have to say on purpose and possibility on the front page of today's home page of www.lifebyme.com.

Ready. Set. Flow.

2012 is quickly coming to a close and reviewing the past year is usually a natural occurrence for most during this time.  The energy created last week with Mercury in retrograde, the solar eclipse, and a new moon phase all taking place, made for intense energetic conditions perfect for slowing down and taking a look back.  I know for me I felt the affects of all this the strongest on Tuesday, November 13th.  I believe we are not victims of these universal events, but I do find my mood and mental stimulation shift much like when weather conditions change.  I was trying my best to be productive during this time, but no matter how hard I tried it felt like I was trying to move a brick wall.  Message received.  I set all the work I was getting nowhere with aside and slowed down to almost an unbearable pace.  I took the time to rest, rejuvenate, and reflect.  Here are some things to think about if you are able to allow yourself the opportunity to review your past year in service to the present and in preparation as we embark on a new calendar year.

First, really take this time to reflect on life and I mean seriously reflect.  Take more than just a couple of moments, take hours or days if possible.  Ask yourself questions like "What is working for me and what is not?  What would I like more of?  What would I like to create?  What would I like to heal?  What else is possible?"  Asking these types of questions during times of reflection will begin to stir the pot of creativity that can lend to future generative steps of action.  You do not have to know the answer immediately simply ask the question and see what appears.  By asking these types of questions you are asking yourself what you know to be true for you. Simply be open to receiving your own awareness. 

Second, be in allowance of the information that surfaces free of any judgment.  Take some time to acknowledge what comes forward.  This could be in the form of limiting beliefs, self-doubts, victim stories, broken relationships, unhealthy habits, etc.  Allow the energy to bring all that up to the surface right now and experience it to whatever degree you may need.  Then give yourself permission to let it go.  It is not serving you any longer.  This year, this time, this energy is a gift. Some of these experiences may be consciously brought to the surface specifically to be let go on order to live your truth.  Release can happen through tears, laughter, sweat, exercise, rest, meditation, detoxing, whatever works best for you.  Right now the universal conditions are ideal for clearing your mind, body and heart.  

Third, be compassionate with yourself and others.  Be understanding with yourself during this time in your process. This transition isn't always gentle. Try being completely compassionate with ourselves, each other, and the process. Bring compassion forward for yourself.  Be conscious that others are experiencing this in their own way.  Allow yourself the time and space to process and recognize this in others.  Life is a flow, instead of pushing upstream, surrender and let the current take you to what you have been creating.  Have you ever tried to control a river?  Near impossible right?  Well think of your life energy like that.  We can put up dams to stop the flow, but how is that working for you?  Thank the dams for the service they have provided for you and then knock them down.  Flow with power, force, confidence, love, truth, gratitude, perseverance, desire, and anything else that makes you light enough to float.  

Everyday is a new possibility to create.  Create from your heart.  When you are not living, creating, and exuding your truth you are not only doing yourself a disservice, but the rest of us as well.  Please contribute to this world who you truly are and exude that beautiful contribution to us all.  Allow your heart to be your vessel and your intuition to be your guide.  These are all components every one of us is blessed with on this planet.  They are yours, wake them up, ask them questions and use them.  This is the time to slow down and listen.  Use this time and your past experiences to your advantage and masterfully flow into 2013.  

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

I recently traveled from my current home in Los Angeles, CA to my previous home in Denver, CO.  I grew up in Southern Wyoming and have lived in Northern Colorado, as well as in the Denver area before relocating to LA.  This part of the world will always be near and dear to my heart as the energy and the people are so very special.  The purpose of my trip was to connect with new clients, re-connect with existing clients and spend time with my beloved family and friends.  I had a wonderful time compressed into just under a week and I accomplished everything I intended to do.  However, upon review of my trip once I returned to LA through sharing my experiences I realized a very strong reoccurring theme was present; forgiveness.  Opportunities to forgive others for small annoyances and inconveniences to forgiving people for extreme upsets that happened over a decade ago that had hurt me deeply came to fruition.  I found myself almost instantly working through these situations with a resolution of forgiveness and sending the person who caused me the upset love and light.  I experienced the release that resulted in forgiving, instead of holding onto the pain and suffering that their actions had caused me.  This space of instant forgiveness was new to me and I was proud of myself for recognizing the process.  Instantly forgiving what a concept!  I was filled with a sense of peace, understanding, love, and confidence for having recognized these lessons as I thought "I got this!"

Once I believed I had mastered the process of instant forgiveness yet another test showed up, as is par for the course with spiritual curriculum.  It was my last 24 hours in Denver and I was attempting to check-in online for my flight the next day and the website kept bringing me to an error page, informing me in bright red text it was not yet 24 hours before my flight.  "This is ridiculous.  What is wrong with this stupid website?" I thought.  Upon closer examination I noticed that I had in fact booked my flight for March and not February for my desired day and time of departure.  What a disaster I created for myself!  I went right into upset, got emotional and felt extreme frustration.  My sister did her best to calm me down and suggested I call the airline and explain what had happened.  After composing myself I decided to follow her advice and give the airline a call.  Feeling hopeless that they would not be able to help me I got in touch with a customer service rep who I am sure could hear the panic in my voice.  She helped me get on the right flight for the right day and time, and even worked her magic so I could afford getting back to LA without spending my life savings.  I was extremely appreciative to this woman and was able to get a good nights rest knowing I would leave Denver as originally planned the next evening.  My last day in Denver was great as I was able to work with a client I enjoy very much, spent time with my sister, and had one last catch-up-with-old-friends dinner.  I arrived home safe and sound, and as I was sharing my adventures with my close friend I came to a very interesting conclusion; that I had been able to forgive others with ease and grace, but when it came time to forgive myself for pain and suffering I had self inflicted that was the most difficult lesson to see and accept.  I did not practice instant forgiveness with myself and it took me well over a day to realize the opportunity and the lesson that had surfaced.  I realized as important as it is to forgive others, it is just as important to practice self-forgiveness.  Self-forgiveness paves the way for releasing self-judgement, and knocking down the walls that prevent us from connecting to our authentic/higher-selves.  Holding judgment on yourself can only prevent growth and through forgiveness we manifest self-compassion, self-understanding and create space for our inner core of love to expand.

Learning the process of forgiveness can release us from repeating lessons or experiencing karma, because when forgiveness is present karma is released.  We no longer have to keep playing out the same lesson because forgiveness is the tool that wipes the slate clean and signals to the Universe that we have cleared this space of misunderstanding and confusion and allowed love and peace to enter.  According to the video created by David Wilcock entitled Divine Cosmos, forgiveness is the key to understanding ourselves as a collective consciousness.  He states "True forgiveness is an acceptance of others and by accepting others you have accepted yourself.  The reason for this is that your mind is ultimately the cosmic mind.  The cosmic mind is your identity and in truth there is only one of us here."  If you would like to see Divine Cosmos in it's entirety I have included the link below.

I had an amazing time in Colorado and I learned and experienced far more than I ever expected.  I invite you to notice any reoccurring themes in your own life and see if applying forgiveness might be the answer to breaking your own repeat cycles.  Whether it is the forgiveness of others or forgiving yourself know that you always have the choice to forgive and expand the essence of love and consciousness that resides within each one of us.

If you feel inspired here is the link to Divine Cosmos:
http://www.youtube.com/user/davidwilcock333

DECONSTRUCTING: MERCURY IN RETROGRADE

Mercury in retrograde is frequently perceived as a time when the cosmos are working against us on planet Earth.  It is undeniable that during Mercury Retrogrades there seems to be an increase of miscommunications, misconnections, and electronic devices taking a nose dive.  I myself have slipped into negative thought patterns concerning Mercury Retrogrades.  In effort to understand what is happening and how to best utilize this special time I sought out the opinion of a professional.

Recently, I had a very insightful conversation with Phyllis Mitz, M.A. and professional Astrologer.  She very effectively broke down what happens logistically in the Universe, how to prepare, what energies are created, and how to most effectively utilize a Mercury Retrograde.   

Tarot by Megan: I don’t really know too much about astrology outside of the 12 sun signs and some basic characteristics of each.  Would you mind telling me what it means when Mercury is retrograde?

Phyllis Mitz:  What it literally means when Mercury is in retrograde is it is going further out into orbit then it normally is in relation to us.  So it looks like to us it is going backwards, but in fact it is not going backwards.  It is designed for a period of reflection and re-tracing recent steps.  It is a time to reflect to see if the decisions and the involvements we have been in lately are going to work.  People say “Mercury retrograde is going to cause problems,” but my feelings are there is a blessing to that because, basically Mercury retrograde says “If there are problems with what you are up to, here they are!”  It is not a punitive kind of a thing as much as it is set up for the inner work and the inner life.  More so than getting what we want in the outer life to work well.  Sometimes it can mean missed appointments, technology going nutty, definitely misunderstandings, and things not working correctly.  Usually it is little things that disrupt our plans, not things that completely screw us up.  In that way annoyance is unavoidable.  For people that are the sign that mercury is retrograde in, because it can be retrograde in any one of the 12 signs, those people feel it very much.  When Mercury is moving quickly in the sky that seems to be easier than when Mercury slows down.  Those are the Mercury retrogrades when people go “Oh my God!”  It can be an annoying period.  It can be a period when you are not supposed to hire people, buy a car, or sign contracts.   But if you do just know that later when it goes direct you might have to tweak it a little bit.

TBM:  What are some things that people can do to that Mercury retrograde would benefit?  

PM:  Activities I would recommend taking part in; retreat, reflection, going over agreements, decisions, and contracts that you have already done.  Confirming what you have already decided.  Back tracking recent decisions and ideas.  I am not saying sit in your room and don’t do anything, as much as take a moment for reflection and check what you have already done.  It is a good time to go over things and make sure that what you think you have in motion is correct and it is a fantastic time to check things out and ask yourself if this is what you really want and indeed working the way you thought it was going to work.  It is not necessarily a forward movement period, although it has a reputation where some people think “I am not going to do a thing with Mercury in retrograde” and I think “that is YOUR Mercury retrograde, you are loosing opportunity.”  It is just more knowing that there is a little bit more of a wild card and things can get a little freaky, but the headline with a Mercury retrograde is take a minute; meditate, journal, and take a little more time during Mercury retrograde to go inside, because that is really all it is asking. 

TBM:  In general how long does a Mercury Retrograde last?

PM:  On average three weeks and it takes place three times a year.  The Mercury retrogrades for this year are; March 12^th through the 4^th of April.

TBM:  That’s interesting the first Mercury Retrograde of the year ends the day before my birthday.  Is that a good or a bad thing? 

PM:  I feel that is very powerful for you.  I am going to get technical for a minute.  You see a planet going along through the degrees of the zodiac and then it seems to sit still and that would be on the twelfth of March.  Then it appears to us as going backwards and then when it goes direct it goes back to where it was to begin with.  This is called the shadow.  Right after your birthday it is hitting the shadow and it means that this could be a little bit more active/crazy time for you because that Mercury retrograde is very strong around your birthday and your sign.  I would love Mercury to go retrograde around my birthday, as nutty as it sounds, because more people will be thinking about me, more people will be calling me, more things will be offered to me and even if they fall through who cares!  Because Mercury makes it happen so just know around your birthday things are going to get exciting.  I look at a Mercury retrograde as buying us a couple of extra weeks to think things through.  Concentrate on the inner work by journaling, going inside and checking things out.  It is a mental practice.  Take walks, meditate, contemplate, talk with friends, and take a moment to unwind your mind and reflect.   More mercury retrogrades for 2012 are July 15^th to August 8^th and November 6^th to 26^th which should be interesting because it is right after the upcoming election.

TBM:  What are steps people can take to prepare for Mercury retrograde?

PM:  Two weeks before Mercury goes retrograde that’s the territory Mercury is going to be going back over.  If you sign a contract the day before Mercury goes retrograde that is just as wobbly as signing a contract during the retrograde.  Mercury is going to retrograde all over it!  So the two weeks before check your signatures on your agreements make sure you avoid the same things you would during a retrograde.  Mainly check things out, have a plan B if you are traveling, don’t completely rely on technology, and understand that your computer or car could go berserk.  If you have to get a repair to your car or computer I would recommend doing so before a Mercury retrograde, but even the weeks before that is basically the stuff Mercury is going to go back over.  Watch your thoughts, dynamics, and what kind of things pop up.  What kinds of things are decided before a retrograde?  These kinds of things require a review.  For example: In my past I used to sell real estate and if I sold a house right before Mercury went retrograde, that deal I would watch more carefully.  Mercury retrograde might bark at that one and it is more likely I would have to redo parts of that deal.  None of this is to fear.  Mercury retrograde is so rarely bad.  Unless we are trying to do something that is not for our highest good.  Let’s say someone wanted to buy a house and during Mercury retrograde it fell apart and I would have to look at it like that was apparently not the right house for them.  It was never an undermining feeling like I just got screwed, it was more like weird, freaky things would happen and it would just fall apart and basically I would look at it like that wasn’t for you. 

TBM:  I feel there is a lot of general misconception and fear around times of Mercury retrograde.  Can Mercury retrograde be thought of positively?

PM:  People that fear Mercury retrograde just don’t understand it.  It is really a time of reflection, even though there can be annoyances that is not the headline.  This is a more spiritual, reflective time of year.  Use this time to your benefit, just have a plan B and allow for flexibility and tweaking.  Mercury going retrograde is a blessing!

I hope this has shed some light on what is really going on during a Mercury Retrograde.  As Phyllis said it is a very powerful time that is best used for reflection and evaluation of life decisions.  I plan on harnessing this next Mercury Retrograde's energy positively.  I am looking forward to March 12th to begin my first conscious review process with the help of Mercury.  

If you are interested in learning more about Phyllis Mitz’s work you can contact her through her website at www.astrologerphyllis.com.  

DECONSTRUCTING FOMO: FEAR OF MISSING OUT

Lately I have been hearing the phrase FOMO or FEAR OF MISSING OUT.  I found this very interesting as I myself have experienced this phenomena, but I had never been able to label it or thought anyone one else was having similar feelings.  A typical FOMO situation for me usually occurs when I have been invited to a social gathering or event and my higher self or "intuition" has no desire to attend.  This is when my inner fear protests and shouts "But I will be the only one not there!  I will certainly be missing out on fun times!  Everyone will so disappointed if I do not make an appearance!'' All very common inner dialogues that have run through my head while trying to decide to listen to my intuition or give into my FOMO.  There is also a bit of wrestling with my ego involved, but that is another blog for another day.  To face this fear I decided to sit in meditation with this sensation and then draw a tarot card to specifically address this issue.  The card that I pulled was the Prince of Pentacles pictured below:

This is the information I received:

The Prince of Pentacles card is telling me to stay confident in what I feel to be true and to stay aligned with my heart's desires for I am the only one that knows what is best for myself.  The Prince of Pentacles exudes self confidence, but not with out first weighing his options.  This card has a very radiant glow, but also a sense of discernment.  I feel this card is telling me to trust my intuition as it has guided me to produce self satisfying situations in the past.  A sense of accomplishment and peace is sure to follow any decision made from my inner truth.

At any given moment our lives could go in hundreds of different directions based on the choices we make.  We live on a free will planet and most of us have the power to create our own existence based on our choices.  We always have the choice to be true to our heart's desires or to give into fear.  The best answers for ourselves always reside within our own heart.  If we allow it, fear can cloud and distort our vision, but it is up to the individual to become conscious of what is fear and what is truth.  We are each constantly processing our own decisions and how they align with our feelings, thoughts, and desires.  "What was the outcome of my decision and am I happy with it?  What could I have done differently?  Should I or did I listen to my inner voice?" These are questions I find myself asking while processing the outcome of my decision.

Frequently check-in with yourself to see how you feel about your current state of affairs.  As humans we have been blessed with consciousness.  Consciousness allows us to make the decision to let our hearts take the wheel to steer our life choices.  This is what living a loving, passionate life is rooted in.  Once you become comfortable with the practice of letting your heart be your guide you will find that fear based feelings such as stress, anxiety, and depression no longer have the strength to survive in your space, because you have quit feeding into them.   All of these negative feelings that hold us back from our true heart's desires spring from the same origin: FEAR.  Fear of anything is what darkness and negativity thrive on.  Fear of missing out, fear of being alone, fear for the future; they all originate in fear and are basically the same beast.  For generations humanity has bought into the idea of a fear based value system and lifestyle.  Producing inner thought processes such as:
"I must work hard at this job I am unhappy at because, I am fearful of being laid off or fired.  If I am laid off or fired my future is uncertain and that is scary.  I am fearful of being without the money this job provides in order to survive."  Unfortunately, this fear based thought pattern is very common and keeps individuals from creating a passionate career and ultimately a passionate life.  Other examples are found deeper inside the psyche such as:
"I am afraid to express who I truly am for fear that no one will accept or love me."  This type of fear based thought pattern can sometimes be buried so deep and for such a prolonged duration of time that upon surfacing it can destruct one's entire life and effect those around them.

Undeniably, there is shift in energy currently taking place on planet Earth.  Truth is shining through no matter  how long and how far below the surface it has been hidden.  We are being given the opportunity to shift our lives and thought patterns to originate in love, passion, and our true heart's desires.   The Universe is allowing us to make the shift on our own through the decisions we make or by forcing us into situations that can better be described as "the sh*t hitting the fan."  Even though these situations can be fearful and scary while taking place, on the other side we usually find ourselves exactly where we need to be, all while facing and processing our inner fears.

Fear of missing out is simply the tip of the proverbial fear iceberg.  In reality you are not missing out on anything.  You are exactly where you need to be and your intuition knows that.  If it is my true heart's desire to be at the event, FOMO would not exist because I am aligned with my truth and fear and truth do not co-exist together.  When you are living without fear life becomes a flow, and you feel that flow joyfully delivering you from one destination to the next.  Open up to your true heart's desires and let the flow of life take you where you need to be.  Trust that the Universe will get you from destination to destination in a time appropriate manner and surrender to your life experience.  Live without fear and you will find yourself living joyfully.

Blessings!

Tarot by Megan